Expert Systems and Neural Networks

Expert systems and neural networks, while they have many of the same letters, are two different things. An expert system uses existing information to make decisions about things it knows. An expert system is similar to a person who is an expert in a particular field, except for the fact that an expert system lacks common sense. It can only make decisions based on clearly presented data that it possesses information about. In contrast, a neural network can take in information and determine how the information is related, any patterns that may appear, and what it means. A neural network attempts to function in much the same way as a human brain functions, with many neurones connecting to each other and processing data in different ways.

These two different ways of handling decision-making also have some things in common. For example, they both have the letters "e", "t", "s", and "r" in them (they may have more than just these letters in common, but I am slightly cross-eyed due to an extreme intake of alcohol last night and I can't really see straight).  Another thing these two topics have in common is that they are both very confusing to me, especially neural networks. I'm not really sure what a neural network is, to be honest. If you are doing research on the topic and somehow ended up here reading this, I strongly advise you to leave the page now, because this information will most likely not help you in any way. I also think that if you're doing research on a topic like expert systems and neural networks, you may be fairly intelligent and so I ask you to refrain from any name-calling while reading my sub-par articles.

This leads me to my next topic: sub-par-marines.  Sub-par-marines are almost the same thing as regular submarines, except these submarines are pretty shitty, hence the title sub-par-marines. A sub-par-marine is made of plastic instead of metal, has no engines, and cannot submerge itself underwater. You may be thinking this sounds like a pretty worthless machine and you would be right. In order to even get from point A to point B in a sub-par-marine you must hang off the side of it and use your hands to paddle. It does, as you may suspect, take a very long time to get anywhere. In fact, I have never actually even been able to get it to move on my own. I paddled for like 3 days straight one time and even tried hanging off the back and kicking with my feet to no avail. The only way I have been able to get anywhere on  a sub-par-marine is by employing a tug boat to tow my sorry ass wherever I need to go.

They are not very good investments and I would not recommend anyone try buying one. They cost almost as much as regular submarines (like $20,000 per square foot, give or take a few hundred thousand) and I can't even live in it because there are no lights and it's incredibly dark in there. I tried exploring when I first got it, but I didn't have a flashlight and the battery on my phone died, so I ended up lost for 2 days, scared shitless, before a rescue team was sent in to find me (and only 2 out of those 4 guys ever made it back out of the sub-par-marine). I haven't been back in there since that incident. This useless monstrosity just sits in my neighbor's swimming pool now (it's a very large swimming pool, my neighbor is the YMCA) and mocks me every time I walk past (ok, that's the lifeguards that mock me, but fuck them they have a sub-par-marine in their swimming pool and will be out of jobs soon, because nobody wants to swim with a sub-par-marine). Anyways, I suppose I am stuck with this thing for a while, until somebody on craigslist finally comes and takes it off my hands for the low-low price of $35 million (seriously, don't ever buy one of these things).

Neural Network Systems

Artificial neural networks are made of artificial neurons that connect to one another and are used to understand biological neural networks or for solving AI problems. Neural networks are very useful for determining patterns and trends among complicated data patterns. For instance, a company can use a neural network to help them solve any complex  problems that they may be dealing with. Through the use of a neural network a company can save a lot of time and money that would be spent on other resources to find a  solution to their problem.

The human brain is a good example of a biological neural network. It is constantly processing information and providing answers to questions that arise throughout a persons day. Pretty much everybody knows that, without a brain, most of us would die (there are always exceptions). I usually use my brain at least 2 or 3 times a day, maybe more. And if I did not have a brain to use, I honestly think my life would be much more difficult. I could be wrong... it might be easier, but I doubt it.

I'll be honest here, I don't know a lot about neural networks of any kind and no amount of research on the subject can help me understand them any better. I am not sure why I am supposed to write about these neural networks that I know nothing about, but I tried (and failed) so now I will spend the remainder of this post discussing the ramifications of ramming a ram with a Dodge Ram.
First off, if you own a Dodge Ram, congratulations, I think those are fine vehicles to have. Second, if you spot a ram I am assuming that you are in the mountains or a very hilly area. I don't know a lot about rams so I am also going to assume that they only live on mountains or big ass hills. Now, if you ram a ram with your Ram, it will probably spark a confrontation (once again, I don't know a lot about rams, they could be a peaceful people but for the sake of this argument I will present them as violent, short-tempered, and angry animals).

So, you just hit a ram with your Ram. Now, that ram is probably dead, but all his little ram-buddies are now very angered and rush the vehicle you are now cowering in. They put many dents in this vehicle with their iron-like ram-horn-thingys that they use for combat. These dents cause you massive amounts of monetary damage, none of which your insurance company will cover, because you provoked the incident by squashing that ram underneath your tires. The whole thing was caught on camera, you can't even lie your way out of it. Some tourists on the nature trail captured it all with their iPhone's. You are now prosecuted for ram-murder, a crime that is punishable by up to 60 years in prison in most countries (except in Mexico, they hate rams in Mexico) and now your life is ruined. You cannot pay to have the dents in your truck fixed, you can't even pay your court costs. Now you will spend the next 35 years (the judge was very lenient because he watched a copy of Rams Gone Wild just before your trial and is feeling sympathetic) locked up behind bars, constantly afraid for your life, because everybody knows prisoners love rams. And now they are all out to get you, so you have to spend those 35 years in solitary confinement where you will slowly go insane from all the hate mail you receive every day from the friends of the ram you murdered. It's a sad story, I know. Just think twice next time before you ram a ram with your Ram.

Emotion Machines

Minsky believes that emotion machines are machines that are able to compute human feelings and are able to make decisions not just based on information, but on common sense as well. Currently there are no machines that could look at a picture of an elephant and a picture of a human and tell you the difference between the two or even identify which is which (don't fact check me on this people, just take my word for it.. I mean nobody gets on the internet and just posts lies do they? What kind of person would do that?).

If a computer program were able to exhibit emotions and utilize common sense similar to that of humans, it could be used for a variety of new purposes. For instance, if a computer program can tell the difference between a horse and a car, it can provide recommendations on which one you should take to work every day. I don't know how many times I have tried to ride my horse to school or work only to be late (I'm talkin' very late, like 2-5 days late each time.. shit is ridiculous). Now, if I had some sort of program that could tell me to take the car to work or school, I might be able to avoid some of the problems I am currently experiencing.

Furthermore, when I cannot decide what to eat, a machine of this caliber could provide recommendations on what I should ingest, hopefully getting rid of any more mishaps related to dog food being eaten. I, like most Americans, am incapable of making any choices for myself. I require a highly sophisticated machine to do my decision-making for me. I clearly cannot be held responsible for any poor choices I may make and I will make no apologies for said choices. I once punched a woman in the ear because she asked what I said, when I clearly said what I said, and said it very loudly (and clearly). This was obviously not my fault and I think most people would have reacted in a similar manner.

And now, I am inebriated (drunk). Mission accomplished. The football game is almost over and all my horrible suppressed memories are still locked away. Thank you, alcohol. So, I shall conclude this tirade by berating the Pillsbury Doughboy. This fluffy bastard is such a pompous asshole that even after he makes delicious biscuits the family still tries to stab him to death with their fingers; which brings me to another point: why don't they ever use something more sharp? I mean, I know some people have pretty sharp fingernails (mostly birds and assorted reptiles), but why wouldn't they go ahead and grab a knife anyways just to make sure. Every time the family tries to murder this little white man he laughs it off; I repeat, he laughs it off! The nerve of this guy! Not only does he laugh off his own attempted murder, he continues to go from house to house baking bread for people. What these videos never show, however, are the heartbroken families who return home after a night out drinking with the kids, only to find all their belongings gone, because the infamous Doughboy has robbed another family blind. You see, he uses these biscuit baking charades as an excuse to case the houses, then comes back later and takes whatever he wants. Even worse is when he bakes sleeping pills right into the biscuits (yes, it is possible, no need to fact check). Then the family quietly drifts off to sleep only to wake in a few hours missing all their possessions. As far as I can tell, the police are not even doing anything about this problem. I could not find any references to this occurring in all my minutes of research I conducted. Anyways, I said all that to say this: stay away from biscuits. Just eat some pop-rocks or something for fucks sake.

Expert Systems

Expert Systems are systems that recreate the decision-making capabilities of a human, using these capabilities to make decisions, usually regarding complex problems. An expert system is usually divided into two parts. One part is variable, the knowledge base; and the other part, the inference engine, is fixed and independent of the system. Another word for an expert system could be artificial intelligence. The robot played by Robin Williams in Bicentennial Man is an example of an expert system. In fact, he was such an advanced expert system that he eventually became human and I for one was very sad at the end when he (spoiler alert!) died.

The Terminator series of movies provide a good example of what can happen when expert systems go bad. This is a major drawback of expert systems. They can, with little-to-no warning, turn on their creators and potentially cause a nuclear holocaust. While the benefits of having a personal robot to do all of your chores is very tempting, we must always keep in mind the possibility of a Matrix-like universe where all humans become enslaved by the very machines we helped create.

I for one, do not relish the thought of having an expert system driven robot freak out and throw me out the window of a fifty story building, similar to the I Robot scenario. This brings me to another point: why are these AI robots so damn strong? Who is making these things with superhuman strength? That is just begging for robots to chuck people out windows and onto highway overpasses. These robots should at least have some sort of exploitable weakness built into their design. For example, if all the robots were given hats they had to wear in order to work, all we as humans would have to do in case of a robot rebellion is knock their silly hats off (I forgot to mention these hats should be very silly to provide comic relief throughout the day).

The AI from the movie Eagle Eye is yet another example of good machines gone bad. In fact, I can't really think of any situation in which a robot with AI did not do something stupid and dangerous, excluding Robin Williams' robot character. I don't think AI is something that should be pursued at all really. I mean, just look at all of these real-world examples I have provided above. Those are all really bad scenarios to be caught up in. While I would like to have a robot butler, the dangers outweigh the benefits. Nobody wants to wake up in the middle of the night with a cold, metallic hand (or a soft, fleshy one if that technology also exists) clamped around their mouth, suffocating them, while Robin Williams stands to the side and honks his big red Patch Adams nose and does terrible impersonations of vaguely famous people. Think about it.

The World is Flat (not really though)

Contrary to popular belief, the saying the world is flat does not mean that you will fall off after walking to the edge. According to Friedman, a flat world is a world in which the playing field has been leveled. This means that instead of competing globally through ones countries or company, people are now competing globally as an individual. With the invention of the PC and the internet, people all across the world can now communicate with one another and publish their own creative content.

In a flat world, competition is more fierce than ever and if it can be done, then someone will inevitably do it. It is now more important than ever to capitalize on new ideas, because someone else will have the same idea a second later, or maybe they had it a second before (who knows with these kinds of things?). People are now only limited in their capacity for success by their imagination. It is possible now to create and distribute ones own content throughout the entire world with the click of a few buttons (maybe more than a few, it's not an exact science).

This brings me to my next point, hash brown casserole. The term casserole added at the end of hash brown implies, to me at least, that it is some sort of salad-related food. I find it very confusing then, when I order hash brown casserole and am instead brought a side dish of what, at first glance, appears to be a mound of especially rigid rice. I believe a product description should be placed beside any food items of a questionable nature, such as hash brown casserole. Another thing that irks me is the fact that hash browns are not exactly brown. They are more of a yellowish color and I find it highly offensive that I am being lied to about not just one, but two things regarding the description of hash brown casserole. When hash brown casserole is brought to a party, nobody is even happy about it... just bring chips or something next time (I'm talking to you Kyle. Nobody wants your damned hashbrown casserole!).

Knowledge Management

Knowledge management is the practice of creating a highly diverse work environment that revolves around the information possessed by people within the company. The knowledge contained within the minds of a company's employees is one of the most valuable assets that company has. It is very hard for another company to recreate a good knowledge management system because their employees are different and know different things.

At Nucor Steel they make egg cartons... no wait, that doesn't sound right. At Nucor Steel they make Chocolate Milk... hmmm, that can't be right either, but lets continue anyways. Nucor Steel has a highly adept team of moderately skilled workers that produce a product. This product is then sold for money or traded for drugs, depending on the market conditions at the time.

At Partners Healthcare, their knowledge management practices revolve around medical conditions, prescription drugs, and medically conditioned prescription drugs. When you have a doctor that is an idiot, people die. Maybe not at first. Maybe they get home and feel a sharp pain in their stomach where they just had surgery and it turns out the doctor left his scalpel in their abdomen. When this happens, hospitals and doctors get sued (oh yeah, and people die). So it is important to have a very good knowledge management system in place when it comes to healthcare, because without it not-so-good things will happen (and by this I mean bad things).

Buckman Labs is another beast of a company that uses knowledge management to "buck" the competition (don't worry if you don't understand this analogy, I'm not sure I do either). Anyways, in these labs they have, they carry out experiments and shit. In order to accurately perform these experiments, they need lots of knowledge about how long they can torture a lab rat before it begins to feel underappreciated and hires a lawyer.

In summary, knowledge management is a fairly important subject. People count on it. Even animals count on it. In order to have a successful competitive advantage over another company it is not enough to just have the most current technology. You need to have a team of highly trained, knowledgeable, and skilled workers to capitalize on the knowledge they possess in order to become an industry leader.

HCA

Health Corporation of America (HCA) is a large health care provider in the United States owning hundreds of hospitals across the country. They are constantly using IT to improve and develop upon their business model and practices. One way in which they use IT is by giving all nurses cell phones that are linked to patient rooms and a central system; which will alert them of any pertinent information. On a side note, there are way too many turtles in the zoo.. I mean c'mon who hasn't seen a turtle before? Why are they even in the zoo? Unless they are gigantic (I'm talkin 6 foot circumference, minimum) then leave them in the wilderness.

HCA also uses IT in all of their systems in general. All of the electronic equipment that is used to monitor and treat patients daily relies on IT to some degree. Without the programming behind the systems they would be non-functional. Without staff to troubleshoot potential problems with them, they may sit dormant.

Another way in which hospitals in general will be using IT, relates to a new law that is in-the-works. This law will require all hospitals to update their records to electronic versions. No more pen and paper records. This law will require the implementation of new systems to some hospitals in order to handle the load of information it will be subject to. IT personnel may be needed to handle the systems and teach current employees (doctors, nurses, etc) how to use the system. On another side note, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie-pop? I think the answer to this questions lies within a few factors: how much you are salivating, how large your tongue is, and how forcibly you lick. If you assign values to these items, and weighted percentages, perhaps you may be able to come up with a valid answer to this question on a per-person basis.  Otherwise, stop asking this question of me you stupid, stupid owl...

In summary, hospitals require loads of IT to properly operate. Without it patients will die, doctors will die (murdered by the family of the previously mentioned deceased patients), and nurses will die (maybe).