Emotion Machines

Minsky believes that emotion machines are machines that are able to compute human feelings and are able to make decisions not just based on information, but on common sense as well. Currently there are no machines that could look at a picture of an elephant and a picture of a human and tell you the difference between the two or even identify which is which (don't fact check me on this people, just take my word for it.. I mean nobody gets on the internet and just posts lies do they? What kind of person would do that?).

If a computer program were able to exhibit emotions and utilize common sense similar to that of humans, it could be used for a variety of new purposes. For instance, if a computer program can tell the difference between a horse and a car, it can provide recommendations on which one you should take to work every day. I don't know how many times I have tried to ride my horse to school or work only to be late (I'm talkin' very late, like 2-5 days late each time.. shit is ridiculous). Now, if I had some sort of program that could tell me to take the car to work or school, I might be able to avoid some of the problems I am currently experiencing.

Furthermore, when I cannot decide what to eat, a machine of this caliber could provide recommendations on what I should ingest, hopefully getting rid of any more mishaps related to dog food being eaten. I, like most Americans, am incapable of making any choices for myself. I require a highly sophisticated machine to do my decision-making for me. I clearly cannot be held responsible for any poor choices I may make and I will make no apologies for said choices. I once punched a woman in the ear because she asked what I said, when I clearly said what I said, and said it very loudly (and clearly). This was obviously not my fault and I think most people would have reacted in a similar manner.

And now, I am inebriated (drunk). Mission accomplished. The football game is almost over and all my horrible suppressed memories are still locked away. Thank you, alcohol. So, I shall conclude this tirade by berating the Pillsbury Doughboy. This fluffy bastard is such a pompous asshole that even after he makes delicious biscuits the family still tries to stab him to death with their fingers; which brings me to another point: why don't they ever use something more sharp? I mean, I know some people have pretty sharp fingernails (mostly birds and assorted reptiles), but why wouldn't they go ahead and grab a knife anyways just to make sure. Every time the family tries to murder this little white man he laughs it off; I repeat, he laughs it off! The nerve of this guy! Not only does he laugh off his own attempted murder, he continues to go from house to house baking bread for people. What these videos never show, however, are the heartbroken families who return home after a night out drinking with the kids, only to find all their belongings gone, because the infamous Doughboy has robbed another family blind. You see, he uses these biscuit baking charades as an excuse to case the houses, then comes back later and takes whatever he wants. Even worse is when he bakes sleeping pills right into the biscuits (yes, it is possible, no need to fact check). Then the family quietly drifts off to sleep only to wake in a few hours missing all their possessions. As far as I can tell, the police are not even doing anything about this problem. I could not find any references to this occurring in all my minutes of research I conducted. Anyways, I said all that to say this: stay away from biscuits. Just eat some pop-rocks or something for fucks sake.